Sad news

I still have not taken time to update the blog. Been on bedrest a couple of times & the holidays I guess.
I had a miscarriage a few days ago(February 23, Tuesday) at 16 weeks. I don't want to make Trey's blog full of sad posts so I will just put this one post. I am devastated for the baby, me, Ruben, & especially Trey. I want him to be a big brother so much & still have hopes of that happening. He is already 3 & I wanted him to be < 4 yrs apart from a sibling. Life is teaching me a harsh lesson right now-that I can't always have what I want no matter how much I wanted it, that I should have tried sooner for a second child, that I should be more grateful everyday for what I have-a beautiful child in Trey. I thought I was grateful for him, but now I cherish him more than ever. I see him as special that my pregnancy with him was so easy & he is here when he wasn't a few years ago. I want that gift again. I desperately want my family to grow to include at least one more child.

I have friends & co-workers that have fertility problems (that I always felt so fortunate to not have) & have had miscarriages, but as usual you never expect it to happen to you. And once I passed 12 wks & then was 16 1/2 wks, I certainly didn't expect to happen.It was always a worry in the back of my mind, but not a real fear. Now I want to become pregnant again so badly, but I know now I will fear this loss again. This is the endless loop going through my mind (in addition to the fact that I am 38 years old, even though I feel 28) which once again brings me to back to Trey-he is my living, breathing, (often screaming!) proof that I can have a successful pregnancy that ends with a beautiful baby. I am clinging to that to comfort me & give me hope for the future.